Pucker Shop

5 Reasons To Leave Your Gas-lighting Partner

5 Reasons To Leave Your Gas-lighting Partner

By: Dani sheller

Breaking up is never easy, especially if you've built an attachment to another person.  It's even more difficult if your relationship wasn't easy to begin with.  The psychology behind Narcissistic Personality Disorder is something mental health professionals have worked toward understanding and treating for years.  It's still an elusive and difficult personality disorder to diagnose and treat; but if you've been the victim of someone who suffers from NPD, you know it's very real and very frustrating.  

The beginning of a relationship with someone who is a narcissist can feel like a dream.   You've been swept off your feet by this charming person, and you're on cloud nine.  It's not until they've begun to see your attachment to them that they flip the switch.  Some narcissists are aware of their behaviors, and some are not.  The ones who are aware can be assumed as more dangerous, especially to empathic people.  If you've found yourself trying to leave a narcissist, or have recently done so, here's 5 reasons to assure you you've made the right decision.

1. You lost yourself while they found themselves (and everyone else who'd have them).  Because narcissists are thrill seekers and prone to impulsivity, it's likely they were unfaithful more than once. They seek the validation from everywhere and anywhere they can get it.  While you were busy reinventing yourself to keep up with their ever-changing needs, they were busy stepping out.  In addition to the heartbreak and frustration you went through, you slowly but effectively lost track of the person you were and could've been.  The time you lost serves as a lesson to carefully guard your heart against relationships with narcissists and you can now see them coming a mile away.  Be sure to run in the opposite direction!

2. They destroyed your self-confidence.  You were never good looking enough, smart enough, or had enough to offer them.  With narcissists, it's always all about them.  Once they've used you for what they needed, you're no longer a viable asset.  The resentment begins to grow, and they lash out at you harshly.   My own personal narcissist spent time effectively making me feel sub-human and unworthy of love or affection.  Once you are out of the relationship, you start building your self-confidence again.  The self-confidence that was unrightfully stolen from you is something you'll not let go of again.

3.  Gas lighting leaves you with PTSD.  Many people who leave relationships in which they were the victim of gas lighting are living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  They may find themselves suspicious of others who try to enter their lives, or even questioning people close to them.  You start to second guess your self and fear that anyone you'll be in a relationship with in the future is out to take advantage of you.  PTSD isn't exclusive to people who have suffered physical abuse or traumatic experiences due to war.  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder can be an uphill battle and will leave even the strongest of us battling to regain what was stolen from us by a gas lighting, narcissistic partner.

4.  You think you're the crazy person.  After finally leaving an abusive relationship of six year with a narcissist, it still took me a year to realize I wasn't the crazy one.  The deflection that comes along with gas lighting left me thinking that I was the problem.  If I would mention an issue, it would somehow get turned around to make me feel like the instigator or the "bad guy."   One of the biggest parts of someone who is narcissistic is that they cannot accept negative attention.  They will lash out, sometimes violently, and try to find another target to place blame and negative attention on.  If you're in a relationship with one of these types of people, you become their target.   

5. You're missing out on real love.  Four years later and a lot of heartache, soul-searching, and personal growth, I finally found the man of my dreams.  It wasn't without a few bumps in the road (another narcissist who tried to snatch me up) and waiting around, but it happened.  I find myself thinking often, "What if I hadn't left so and so?"  I'd still be trapped in a relationship that left me emotionally drained, feeling unloved, and enduring abuse at the hands of someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.  Now that I'm able to see the situation from the outside, I'm able to truly cherish and accept the real love that I have.  That's not something I'll ever give up willingly, nor will I ever stop being grateful for it.  

If this speaks to you on that personal level, you're not alone.   Know that leaving isn't always easy especially if your life has become integrated with this person.  Words of wisdom:  Stop wasting time letting someone damaged make you a victim.  Don't become damaged while trying to save someone who won't save themselves.  You are worthy of love and you'll find it as soon as you find the strength to leave.  Goddess speed, fellow traveler.  

Like what you read?  Be sure to follow Dani here for more articles.  (And sometimes food videos.)