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A Letter to the King of Mixed Signals

A Letter to the King of Mixed Signals

By: Samantha

To the King of Mixed Signals,

            Am I perfect? No. However, I do try to be honest and straightforward when it comes to relationships and dating. I have long played the games that I have grown tired of. Now, at almost 28,I much prefer honesty and truthfulness when it comes this confusing game that we call “dating”. I try to separate and compartmentalize my feelings after the countless times I have been confused or hurt by your actions, or lack of.  

            No matter how hard I try, I cant be the girl that is okay with spending twenty-four hours with you at a time, talking to you everyday, looking forward to your calls and texts, and then suddenly reverting back to some type of normalcy after you’ve disappeared again without warning. I am a well-educated woman, and somehow I keep falling for the same game that frankly hurts me every. single. time. and I cant seem to learn the lesson.

            It’s a vicious cycle because as soon as I seem to pick up my pieces and move on, you start texting again. It starts casual and then you tell me that you miss me and that we should get a drink soon. We both know where that leads, and the cycle starts over again. As much as I enjoy your company and feel like we have a genuine connection, I wish you wouldn’t do this. Either stay or go.  I can’t do this in-between and limbo like dating any more.  I desire consistency. I now realize that I can only control myself and my actions. I can't make you like me or want me. 

I want a life. I crave someone that will love me and treat me well, and this isn’t it. I am deserving of being someone’s all the time and not their sometimes.  Being your sometimes has caused me to question the woman that I am and my own self worth. I have experienced love before and should be smart enough to know this isn’t it. We all have our faults and struggles, but this isn’t something that I want to take on any longer and you need to fix this on your own.

This wasn’t written from a place of anger or even sadness at this point. I am frustrated with myself for allowing this.  I have become numb to being treated like a toy that you pick up and play with on occasion and then put back on the shelf. Reminding myself that I deserve better has become an everyday occurrence lately and after months, I finally believe it again. After all, indecision is a decision.