An Open Letter to My SO, Who Faces My Anxiety Every Day
By: Kenadee Thompson
I love you, I really do. I want with all my heart to let you in 100%...but I can't yet.
Because I'm so consumed with anxiety and I worry that you'll blame yourself for my irrational emotions and thoughts.
I'm afraid that you'll feel like you're not good enough, get mad and yell, or leave.
I couldn't handle that. It's not fair for you to doubt yourself because I can't get a grip on my emotions, and you walking away would tear me apart.
I've come a long way towards being able to open up to you, but the little things are the hardest, like telling you when something's wrong or you've made me mad.
Those things drive me insane and cause me to become distant. I'd rather keep everything to myself than cause an argument. I'd rather worry myself sick than upset you or hurt you in any way.
So I let things pile up, stress out constantly, and create outrageous scenarios in my head that without even noticing that my anxiety has caused me to separate myself from you.
I put an extreme amount of distance between us then watch as you try relentlessly to bridge the gap.
I want to let you in more than anything because you're so perfect - you know exactly when to hold me and when not to press an issue - but I just can't; my anxiety won't let me.
I know it can be absolutely infuriating, but I love you. And as long as you love me too, I'm positive that we can get through this.
So I'm asking you to please not give up on me. Don't let my anxiety stop us from having a future.
You've been my rock, staying, dealing, and supporting me; I can't wait to see what comes next for us.