An Unspoken Letter To The Girl That Is Holding On To The Toxic Man In Her Life
By: Alyssa Stam
You are reading this because either the title was catchy enough to get your attention, or you are looking for some reassurance. I can assure you now that you are NOT the only girl in the world that is holding on to a man because the thought of loosing him or closing that door completely scares the shit out of you.
We all go through it. You fall head over heals for a man that you later find out is most definitely not the one for you. Every instinct in your body is telling you to get rid of him, but for some reason you just can’t bring yourself to do it. There is “something” about him that makes you feel safe, secure, and happy. The thoughts of losing that sense of security is what keeps that door cracked open just enough so that if he were to ever walk back in, it would be just as if he never left.
Everyone comes to the realization that after weeks, months, and sometimes years of crying over “the one that got away,” it is finally time to close and lock that door. It is finally time for the beautiful woman that you are to get up off the bathroom floor, wipe your mascara stained cheeks, hop in the shower, and wash away the past.
Easier said than done, I know. It is going to hurt. It is going to be the trial of your life, it is going to be lonely, and that is completely okay. If it doesn’t hurt you even just a little bit, you aren’t human.
When he calls your phone, hit ignore. When he sends you a text, delete it and don’t even open it. When he shows up at your door in the middle of the night, look right past him and shut the door. Delete his number from your phone so the next time he sends a lonely late night text after his guys night out, your reply will be “Who’s this?”
You don’t deserve to be someones second option. You have so much to offer this world and all the people in it, that you don’t need to be throwing it all away for a guy that refuses to let you live up to your full potential. Give yourself a few weeks to adjust to your new routine. After a while, it he will seem like a distant memory that will eventually fade into a nonexistent state.
Once you have become content with being alone and independent, get out and find some new hobbies. Get a gym membership and start working out, Attend an early morning yoga class for singles, Read that new book that you have been eyeballing at Barnes and Noble for months, Take a hike, whatever you choose to do, make sure you do it for yourself.
Becoming independent and helping yourself move on from the asshole who consumed your every move is a journey. A journey that is not successful over night. This is a journey that you must commit yourself to, because YOU deserve it. You deserve to be happy. You deserve love that runs like a wildfire. You deserve unapologetic passion. YOU are worth it. YOU are beautiful. YOU are special.
To the jerk that let you go;
Stringing her along was your first mistake, letting her go was your second, and screwing with her head was your last. That is three strikes. You are out. You lost.
She gave you her blood, her sweat, her tears, her dignity, her confidence. She loved you more than she every loved any other man. She allowed herself to be vulnerable with you, She gave you her all and you stomped on it as you left her in the dust. You took her vulnerabilities and smacked her in the face with them.
What you have failed to realize is that the strength she has built within her self from holding on to you for this long is going to be the back bone that allows her to reject you every time you call, text, or show up at her door.
You are not allowed to control her anymore. She has won and you have lost. You may not know it yet, but your words and manipulation no longer hold any weight within her. I hope you are happy with your string of poor decisions, because from this day forward, she will not be there to pick you up at the bar, she will not be there to bail you out of jail, she will not be there when you need her to tell you that your decisions are poor. She won’t be there. Ever. AGAIN.