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CONFESSION OF A GIRL BEHIND THE GOLDEN WALLS

CONFESSION OF A GIRL BEHIND THE GOLDEN WALLS

By: Jezreel Medina

It’s not easy to be me; to live in a should-always-be-perfect kind of world, to deal people 

with different standing and to exceed everyone’s expectations. I am often judged as a cold-

hearted woman, someone who doesn’t know how to have fun, and someone who forbids 

weakness, this and that.I am always the boring one and never the “cool enough to be with”

 kind of person. It’s painful hearing those words from people who doesn’t even know how 

many battles I have to deal and win in order for me to live a simple life, a life that is much 

different than what my reality is slapping me.  If you were born on my place, I'm sure you

 would have understood the things I’m trying to explain. I never wanted to be this perfect 

and to live by other’s expectations; I don’t want to be too careful about my postures, class 

and grace; I just want to be me, but even if I want to be just a simple girl with a wild mind 

and a wanderlust heart, a girl who can run around the city happily after eating every street 

foods in the corner and a girl who doesn’t have to be taught on how I should dress, laugh 

and behave- I just can’t. The society I am born with is a world full of decency, 

appropriateness and all; no matter how hard I fight for my freedom, I ended up breathing 

the same air they breathe. I am trapped in a wall that doesn’t tolerate simplicity because 

for them, it is nothing but a blurry dream but still I am gathering all the hopes I have to fulfill 

my dream of living a life away from this standards. I could see a beautiful world behind the 

golden walls of their empires and from a distance; I could feel a very placid life. I am not 

asking for your pity nor for your sympathy, I just want you to stop judging me because you 

have no idea of how hard it is to live in a trapped soul, to live by standards and to live like

 this. As a matter of fact, I envy you because you have all the freedom in the world, a 

freedom that I can only imagine. I envy you because you can do want you want while I’m 

stuck here doing what I am told. I envy you because you are not me. Sure I have power and 

fortune but I never had a life and for me, that is the most pitiful scenario ever. You can have 

all of these but to live a very beautiful life is something more and I hope you would live a 

long life full of happiness and peace.


I wish you will find these confessions, my friend.