By: Kayla â¤
If youâ€™re reading this, that means we had just or are about to Welcome Paisley Grace into this crazy
world. Also, if you are reading this, that means you have survived and lived through the last nine
wonderful months dealing with me. So Kudos to you, because If I had to deal with me, I donâ€™t know if I
would of made it like you have. <3
As I am starting to write this, we are less than 5 months away from welcoming a baby girl into this
Itâ€™s crazy to think that we are going to be first time parents to such a little precious human-being.
However, to be completely honestâ€¦ This letter isnâ€™t supposed to be about her, we have the rest of our
lives to be wrapped around her world. This letter is supposed to be about you, and itâ€™s supposed to be
about us. So, again if you have the pleasure of having this piece of paper in your hands to readâ€¦ I
either A. Am just in a good mood and donâ€™t feel like being a bitch or B. You somehow managed to break
my guard down enough to let yourself in. In which you have/had made a huge impact in/on my life.
In this case, you have most likely changed my whole entire world.
When you found me â€“ â€œHold on, I already know what youâ€™re thinkingâ€ â€œSo, let me clarify this for youâ€â€¦
When you picked your â€œwingsâ€ and â€œI picked you out from the back of your shirtâ€, I never once guessed
that you would completely change my life. Or, that meeting you would completely change my world.
I was such a happy outgoing person on the outside but, on the inside I was nothing but a lost hurt soul.
Incapable of loving my-self and all for just letting my-self go. I could hardly get through the day being
sober- I found peace with-in from the alcohol I poured down my throat. That peace had become and
addiction, one I just couldnâ€™t let go. I $gured, if thatâ€™s how I was going to make myself feel happy- then
I had no choice but to $ll my body with the substance so I could drown out the hurt and pain I was
You found me when I was at my worst, I put you through hell but, yet you found a way to not only love
me- but, to love every single piece of me that was broken and hurt. You put up with my months $lled of
mixed emotions, you stayed as I wanted nothing more than to push you away.
See, the issue wasnâ€™t you, it was never you. I hated myself because of the hell I let myself go through
previously & I hated myself for the hurt I let myself go through on a daily basis. I hated myself because
I chose to not love myself enough to move on from situations that no longer served me a purpose. I sat
putting blame on those who did nothing wrong to me, because I spent years trying to mold someone
into the person I wanted them to be. Instead of molding myself into becoming a stronger person, I
spent years on trying to fix someone else.
Here I sat blinded by the idea that I could not mold someone into the person I longed for.
But, yetâ€¦All this time you were standing right in front of me. Everything that I have ever wanted in
another was once and for all right in front of my face. To be scared was an understatement. I had
promised myself to never let anyone in again. I longed for a4ection and to be loved, but I didnâ€™t have it
in me to love someone else again. I always wanted what I couldnâ€™t have, it seemed. Now with it
standing right in front of me, regardless of what Iâ€™ve done or thrown your way, youâ€™ve still managed to
break down these wallâ€™s Iâ€™ve built, even though I swore Iâ€™d never let anyone in.
I canâ€™t promise a lifetime $lled of laughter, or a lifetime $lled of no tears. But, I promise you that I will
cherish and hold onto what I have forever. I can promise you that I will be a wonderful mother to our
daughter and to love you the same back as you do me, if not more.
The past hurt that I have felt will no longer remain. Those days will be gone and Iâ€™ll have you to Thank.
Although things happened fast, they happened for a reason. If it werenâ€™t for you and this child, I
couldnâ€™t even tell you where Iâ€™d be today. I smile at the thought of our future and what it has instore. I
tear up at the thought of having a child with someone who I canâ€™t help but, adore. You were sent to me
for a reason although I was too blind to see, too stubborn to let you in, and too sel$sh to let it be. I
know our paths had crossed for a reason and itâ€™s all making sense now to me.
I also canâ€™t promise that there wonâ€™t be times that Iâ€™m not a bitch, or that I want to ring your neck, or
that I just want to be alone. Thereâ€™s going to be times that I get under your skin, youâ€™re going to dislike
meâ€¦ But, If you chose to forgive me for the person that Iâ€™ve been, I can promise you that youâ€™ll love
the person that youâ€™ve made me become. Iâ€™d rather you learn to live with me at my worst, rather than
to not live with me at all