When Depression Takes Hold, Focus on Wonderful Memories
By: Brittney Lindstrom
Living with depression means constantly fighting to ignore the lies my brain tells me, all of which point to the conclusion that I'm better off dead.
Depression knows when I'm vulnerable and tries to bury me under a barrage of cruel words.
It tells me that I'll never be good enough for my family, that I disappoint them every day, that their pain will only end when I'm out of their lives for good.
It whispers that I'm not worthy of love, that I ruin every relationship and don't deserve happiness and joy.
Depression says that I don't contribute anything and that I deserved the abuse I experienced in the past.
It constantly tells me I'm a horrible friend, that the people I love wouldn't care - or even really notice - if I died.
It tells me not to sleep, not to eat. It says that I should never have been born and that I need to stop stealing air from those who deserve it.
It constantly reminds me of every bad choice I've made in life, every moment I'm ashamed of plays on an endless loop while it relentlessly whispers how stupid I am.
Depression is a dark cloud filled with hatred and poison; it's venomous and, when it's strong enough, it can completely hijack my mind.
It antagonizes me by telling me to kill myself, that the best thing I could possibly do is leave the world for good.
When depression enters my life, it tries to convince me that my friends and family don't care.
But they do. I know that I'm worthy of their love and that they'd be heartbroken if I left, it's just hard to focus on that in the throes of depression.
The most helpful thing to do is remember the good things. In my worst moments, those positive thoughts are critical to my survival.