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There's No Greater Heartache Than When He Doesn't Love You Back

There's No Greater Heartache Than When He Doesn't Love You Back

By: Mandie Foster

Everything might seem like it's fine, but you don't see me when I'm writing and tears are rolling down my face every night and I can’t sleep. 

You were my first real heartbreak. The kind that leaves you broken and in pieces on the floor. The kind that no matter what you do or how much you cry, it doesn't help. The kind that you don't know if you'll ever get over. The kind that makes it hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I never thought you could actually experience heartbreak without an actual breakup, but you proved me wrong. And the pain that I felt my head saw coming from a mile away because deep down I knew that I'd never be able to have you. It's not like I didn't see it coming. 

I tried to keep reminding myself of that and keep walls up to protect myself but they didn't work. The more I resisted and denied my feelings, the more I fell for you. I couldn't change or stop my feelings so I just accepted them. 

I don't fall for many people. I do my best not to get attached. To care about few and love even fewer. But, when I do, I love with every ounce of my being. I love hard and without reservations. And even though I knew I could never have you I still loved you more than I've ever loved anyone else. 

My head and my heart were constantly at odds. I was always fighting between what I felt and what I knew was reality. My heart won that battle. And my heart break was the outcome. 

I was falling in love with you while my heart was breaking. A constant battle between pain and pleasure. See with love came pain. And even though I knew there probably wouldn't be reciprocated feelings, it still hurt. It's like the hopeless romantic that no matter how many times they've been let down they still have hope. I couldn't just forget about you like you were nobody to me. I can’t just let people I care about go like a leaf in the wind.

There's nothing quite as heartbreaking as unrequited love. 

Every day that passed was a blessing and curse at the same time. My heart on cloud nine when I was with you and in pieces when I wasn't. My feelings for you being so strong and real, but keeping them suppressed deep under the surface. My feelings eager to be heard but being pushed back down every time they were about to escape. All the sleepless nights of overthinking, all the tears, all the what ifs, all the pain and all the heartache...

All the nights when I would be so emotionally frustrated that I would cry myself to sleep. And if there is anything all the tears taught me it is that what I felt for you was real and that I genuinely cared deeply about you. I tried to distract myself. I tried to move on. But, every time you'd come racing back into my conscious. I couldn't shake you. 

Everyday has been a challenge in itself. I try to forget, but everything seems to remind me of you. I want to forget you, but I don’t really want to.

I could say my life would have been better if I never met you, but loving you is never something I will regret. Because loving you helped me discover a more loving and caring side of myself. I didn’t know I was capable of loving someone the way I loved you. I loved you so purely and whole heartedly that you would have never known that I knew I never had a chance with you. 

There will always be a piece of my heart that you will have. And that's not something I'm ashamed of. I wouldn't want anyone else to have it. 

There is no greater love than loving someone regardless of what it means for you. Real love is choosing to love someone even when you know you're gonna get hurt. 

There aren't many people in this life that I love. I don't give away my heart like it's some replaceable good because I know it's a scare resource. But, my heart chose you. 

I don’t know when I will get over you or how long it will take, but I will. Not because I want to but because I have to. 

You'll always be special to me. I’ll always care about you. I’ll always love you. 

I could say that you broke my heart. But, in reality I broke my own heart.