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I Shouldn't Have to Apologize for Finally Being Happy

I Shouldn't Have to Apologize for Finally Being Happy

By: becky staller

08-08-17

You're just jealous

Look, I am fully aware that I talk about my boyfriend a lot. You don’t know what I went through to get to where I am today. So, let me tell you a story.

At sixteen, I had my first kiss. I barely even talked to boys before then. This turned into my first relationship which only lasted two months. However, those two months were not all unicorns and rainbows. We had fights, he was controlling. I was traumatized and upset when he left, but I knew deep down that it was just for the best.

After almost a year of being by myself, I started talking to new people. At eighteen, I lost my virginity. It was not according to plan, he was pushy. I started just giving them what they wanted because I liked the attention. I liked the idea of being with someone, and that’s all it was: an idea, because they didn’t actually want anything more than just my body. It was a constant cycle: Abe, Patrick, Dustin, Nick, Aaron, Shiffer, Manny, Zach. Some played mind games. They would text me and get me hooked, and then go ghost. That didn’t help my already shaky confidence. That didn’t help my abandonment issues. That didn’t help my anxiety.

Then came Kennedy. Kennedy was different. Kennedy is different. He’s been my boyfriend for eight months now. He has been here to see my ups and my downs. He has witnessed my panic attacks. He has witnessed my mood swings when I get hungry. He’s been here for it all, and he stuck around. That means something. That means everything to me.

I can finally feel happy. I can finally feel safe and secure in a relationship. I don’t have to worry about anything except myself. So yeah, I like to brag about him. He takes care of me. The first guy to truly do that. Excuse me for showing him a little bit of love. I think people should be able to show off their significant others without being judged. Let’s support one another and be happy for them. Okay?