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If 'moving on' didn't require me to fall out of love with you, this would be a lot easier

If 'moving on' didn't require me to fall out of love with you, this would be a lot easier

By: Robin Kay

I knew getting over you wouldn't be easy. I knew that it would take time and quite honestly allowance of my self to participate in idiocy. I did what most young adults do, while dealing with heartbreak. 

I went out with my friends way too much. I drank and "had fun" with all of my single friends.

 I went on dates and danced with strangers.

 I started new relationships and flings, that all faded away with no time at all. But that's what happens when you aren't ready to move on. And I realized, I'm simply not ready to move on. 

As much as I hate to admit, I still love you. Even though you and I cannot work things out, I'm not ready to move on.

I thought that I should be over you by now. Truthfully, I thought that I was over you. I thought I was moving on. But now that I have been taking time to work on myself, I realize that I never truly let you go. 

I have also realized, that it is okay to not be ready to move on. There isn't a designated amount of time that it takes to move on. And I need to accept that these things take time. 

I don't know where you are on this process of letting me, us go. But that is okay. I know you are in a different phase of life then me right now. I am working on my career, following my dreams and accomplishing my goals. 

You are still figuring out what your goals are. Which is fine, but that just means that you are still In the stage of life where drinking and meaningless affairs are all you need to numb out the pain of heartbreak. 

I don't even know if you have allowed yourself to miss me yet. I understand. Because it has taken me until recently to allow myself such allotted time. 

I'm growing and finding myself. I don't know when I will move on.

 Maybe I will meet someone tomorrow who will sweep me off my feet, the way you did when we met. Or maybe I will continue focusing on my career and my aspirations and take more time to fall in love again. 

I have finally accepted that it is okay to take this time to 'not move on'. I know that one day I will let go of you and the love that we have. 

Regardless of what happens, I know that I will be okay. And some days I will miss you more than others. I still miss being the one you leaned on, and you being the one I leaned on. I still miss you being mine and I yours. 

But I will allow myself to feel such things, because in order to fall out of love with you I have to feel the pain and rememberance of being in love with you.