I'm Sorry I Let My Anxiety Tell Me I'm Not Enough
By: Taryn Carr
All I can say is that I hope the ones who love me know that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't apologize enough for the way my anxiety makes me act.
I know I can be a lot. I know I'm hard to be around sometimes. I know.
And I hate that you all have to keep repeating yourselves. Because I know that you love me and I know that I am enough for you, I really do. I know you don't understand what goes on in my head, and I sincerely hope that you will never have to experience it.
Although I'm desperate for someone to say they get it, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I don't ever want anyone to feel the way I do. To have the constant voice in your head telling you you're not good enough.
This voice in my head, every single day, telling me "You're not smart enough, you'll never graduate."
"You're not pretty enough, she's way better than you."
"You're not strong enough, you will never make it through this."
"You're not good enough."
Everyday I fight back, and I try to silence the voice. I try to say, you're wrong. I am enough.
Everyday I have to tell myself, I'm not alone.
I know I need a lot of reassurance. I know I keep asking if you love me. I know I keep asking if it's gonna be okay.
I know you told me 10 times today that everything will work out and you will always be here no matter what happens.
I know all of this and I do believe you. I believe you when you say you love me, but the voice in my head tells me 1000x that you're lying.
I'm sorry that I'm 'annoying.' I'm sorry that you have to spend so much time reminding me that I'm not what the voice in my head says I am.
I'm sorry that you had to spend so much time learning how to help me cope with panic attacks. I'm just sorry.
I'm sorry that I let my anxiety tell me I'm not enough. I'm sorry I believe it.
But, thank you. Thank you for staying. Thank you for always reminding me that what my anxiety says about me, is not who I am.
Thank you for reminding me that I am enough, no matter how many times I feel like I'm not.