The Weird Moment When I Realized I Needed Therapy
By: Suza queen
About a year ago I was sitting outside of my apartment. Tears were streaming down my cheek and gliding down my forearms. Mascara smudged across every few inches of my skin. I was drunk, depressed and indulging in my weekly self-loathing session. I had just sabotaged my relationship with my boyfriend for the hundredth time, I lost yet another job and all of my friends constantly looked down upon me. I was out of control and my world was always spinning around me.
I knew that I had problems with my emotions. Every week I would experience days of extreme happiness and then absolute depression. Up down, up down. Everyone would tell me that I was bipolar but I would adamantly deny it. I would always excuse my emotions by blaming them on an external factor. I would say that my boyfriend or my boss or my best friend were the reason for my unhappiness. However, after going through multiple jobs, boyfriends and friends - I realized that the common denominator for my unhappiness was myself and not 'everyone else.'
It took many years of chaos for me to finally realize I had issues I needed to sort out. If I only would have realized this sooner I could have avoided so much carnage in my own life. When I finally realized I had a problem, I decided that It was about time I did something about it. I decided to start looking into therapy which was an ordeal on its own. Trying to find the right therapist that I could afford was challenging. I ended up going an alternative route that I could afford which was online therapy. I signed up for a company called BetterHelp which matches you with a licensed therapist online for roughly 35 dollars a week. It seemed like a realistically alternative for me. I felt better just on the fact alone that I was doing something about my problems.
I talked to my therapist on a daily basis for about two weeks before I started to see the light. I knew that I had problems, but with my therapist, I finally knew I wasn't alone. That many other people suffer from the same issues that I do. The understanding I wasn't alone was absolutely liberating and made me feel so much better. After about a month or two I started to notice I was making better life choices. I stopped sabotaging my relationship and I had stronger relationships with both my friends and family. I also found a better job.
I was incredibly empowered to realize that I can change my life by changing how I think about it. That I wasn't destined to live in chaos and misery for the rest of my life. Deciding to get therapy, and open my eyes about my issues, was not humiliating but liberating. It gave me back a sense of control over my own life and I have been all the better for it.