Why You Can't Let Your Heart Forget How Things Ended
Just when you've given up on any notion of a happy ending, he comes sauntering back into your life.
The thought of seeing him again gives you goosebumps.
You allow your mind to relive the same daydreams you fought hard to erase from your mind when he left: the big wedding, overflowing with love and pride, and the future babies with his bright eyes and your radiant smile.
You feel a newfound sense of surety in your feelings for him; he came back, that means they're more than fantasies. He could really be The One.
Friends patiently advise you on the best plan of attack for your looming meeting with him, a side hug - not too warm or too icy, and conversation about positive things instead of your prior failed relationship.
You go in with the best of intentions and a sincere hope for a positive, satisfying discussion but underneath your smile is a creeping sense of dread. You can't shake the feeling that you're about to witness your own heartbreak.
At first, things are neutral and all is well. But before too long, the conversation unravels until you lose control.
He hasn't learned to communicate. He doesn't want you to express anything other than adoration and lust (neither of which he deserves) even though he knows he hurt you and you're still torn up about the way things ended.
You realize that he never genuinely cared about you. The theory that he truly loves you deep down but is too emotionally stunted to take what's his is wrong and you're an outraged emotional wreck.
So, finally, you break the cycle. You decide that even if he wanted to come back, you wouldn't let him.
Because his toxicity is no longer welcome in your life. The way you interact is absurd and unhealthy; he makes you feel unhinged and you're done dealing with it.
Someday, when he is remorseful, he may look in the mirror and see he how he utterly abused your heart by being disingenuous, self-centered, and dishonest.
But it won't matter, because you've already told him "boy, bye."