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To The Girl Internally Broken

To The Girl Internally Broken

By: lindsey

Nobody tells you what to expect during the pain and agony of a break up. The overwhelming and anxious feeling, it does not go away. He was your person, your best friend, the love of your life, your go to, he was always there, and now, he is gone. Gone in flash. Everyday, you would receive that comfort text and a phone call or facetime, knowing he was there, existent, and caring, but now, it feels like you are alone, left with nothing. 

That feeling, it is a bitch. And looking at your photos taped up on your desk, or on your phone, they bring back a rush of memories, and of course, they are great memories, but they make you wonder what went wrong. Don't wonder what went wrong, because it is not what you did or did not do, it is simply a matter of the guy. You can be perfect, do everything by the book, but sometimes, that just is not enough. This is no reflection on you, it is him acting like a coward, afraid of committing, or immaturity. 

Let me tell you something. God put us on this earth for a reason. We are good people, and although it may seem like you have lost your purpose to feel alive, or why you had to endure a breakup and heartache, there is a reason. There is a reason that person is no longer an important part of your everyday. It is a lesson, a lesson that at this point in time, you will not understand, and sometimes, I still feel I don't comprehend why this person was put in my life, and after two years, disappeared-and told me I am perfect, and that it is him who has the commitment and security issues. That he will always love me, but he is letting go so I can receive what I need in life-because he says he is not good enough. I still question what lead me down this road, as well as the overall purpose of enduring such pain.

I can tell you, day by day, you get a little bit stronger. Things don't change, you change. You are a fighter, and a damn strong one. God does not give you anything that you can't defeat. Think of what a precious thing it is to be alive. Think of all the good that you have experienced in your years of life. You have a family, friends, clothes, food, and moral support from many other people around you. Sure, it is not the same as having a boyfriend, but you know one thing, these people will never leave you hanging. They are the one's to wipe your tears, the one's to come over and snuggle you on the couch when you are having an emotional break down, and they are the one's who stay with you through thick and thin. They get you off of the couch, distract you, and make you smile. That to me is more important than a guy who plays with you mentally and emotionally, or incorporates you in his life when it is convenient for him. 

So, when does this heart break disappear? People always say there are five stages of grief, but to each their own. If you want to go on a slut rampage to get over a break up, you do it. If you want to sit on the couch for weekends in a row instead of going out, take all the time you need. If you want to go out and party at all hours of the week, do it. You have been emotionally scarred, and every person is different with recovering. One day, you will start to feel like a piece of you, slowly and steadily, is able to move on and put the past behind you. He is one guy and you are worth so much more than that. 

Romeo will come into your life. Everyone says when you are least expecting it, the unexpected happens. Stop looking to jump on a horse without the saddle. Take your time. Learn what to discover about yourself, dig deep. It is okay to be single. Hang in there. You got this.