What Happens When "That Someone" Comes Along
By: Danielle Hoxworth
I have spent most of my life thinking I could write a book or teach a class on how to love someone "right" and what that love should mean. I was convinced I had the concept locked down.
I was in for a surprise.
I won't say I was wrong or misguided, even, because I did have a solid idea and that's when I first realized:
1. "That Someone" didn't make me feel wrong, or inadequate, for how I loved or thought before them. They were simply the reason when and why I realized I needed to just build and grow upon everything I had already been centering my entire life around.
2. "That Someone" didn't make me feel that I had to improve, change, or even grow as a person to impress them or make them want to be with me. I already knew they liked and appreciated me for who I was. That kind of genuine sincerity lit a spark inside of me. I felt myself become happier and in turn, I noticed how I organically started to better myself even more. I started to get tougher with paying down debt, eating better, I read books and articles to finally get in control of my past wounds, issues, and fears. They never once told me that they wanted me to do any of that, but the way they treated me for the parts I let them see, only motivated me to be the best version of myself.
The more pieces of the puzzle that I realized, the more interconnected they all really were. It was as if this person knocked over the first domino, the one I was too cautious to hit myself, and all of the other parts followed.
3. "That Someone", without even trying or being aware they did, played a critical aside as I rebuilt my previously damaged self-esteem. They often complimented my intelligence, skills I have worked on my entire life, and on my kind, loving nature more often than they did my physical appearance. They saw the parts of me that most people ignored, or took for granted. Sure, they told me each day I was beautiful, gorgeous, or some other kind of physical endearment. However, by them choosing to acknowledge what is on the inside, it helped me embrace those things for myself in a healthy way.
There isn't a single second that I would say another person is the key to finding a solution or cure for the personal struggles or problems that live within us, because that is the furthest from the truth. However, having the right person in your life, I believe, can help to jumpstart yourself. It can guide you, and motivate you, to a path that we may have been blocking ourselves from with our hands covering our eyes. If you are already on that path of self-confidence and self-love, that is ideal and it is terrific. That right person will then be there as your biggest fan, your strongest supporter, and it will only praise the progress you have made all on your own. Regardless of the place you are at when that right person comes along, one truth will be shared across the board: it will be when The Universe, God, your own intuition--however you want to see it, will believe you are ready.
4. "That Someone" received my best intentions, my compassion, romance, friendship, and all of my love. They never received the greatest parts of me because I thought it would make them stay in my life any longer. In my past, I knew every person who came into my world would only leave--and they did. I gave them my best in hopes it would give them a reason to stay. While that fear is not wrong, it just isn't fair to myself. "That Someone" will not only earn, but deserve, all of that from you because they will also give the best of themselves to you: their romance, compassion, friendship, pure intentions, and all of their genuine love and care.
5. "That Someone" didn't come along quickly, or easily. I cannot explain or stress how this is the most important part I will write in this entire article. Even more so, that person and I have agreed together that this was the most critical piece. I have known this person for over ten years and we spent those years missing out on one another. Whether we were with other people, or neither or us just weren't ready as individuals for that kind of connection. We had nothing but bad timing, and know we have come to realize and agree that it had been the best thing to happen to "us". We each had to go through tons of growth as individuals, get our own heads on straight, and more importantly, we had to learn how to love and be happy with ourselves before we could take this chance.
"That Someone", they are not a fairytale. The things I am telling you is not here to paint a picture of perfection, but to point out the important difference between those who will come into your life, and that right person. The foundation you will build with that right person will be based around logic and reality, it will put into effect every lesson you have ever learned. It will encourage you to embrace what you want, what you need, and what you have to give someone else. It will teach you to recognize a good thing, but also how to look at the facts in front of you and balance the two together. It will be what any good, solid foundation should be--because that is what will make it steady. Safe.
However, laced throughout that foundation will be romance and fantasy. It will encourage the callings of your hearts, it will bring to light more tenderness, goofy grins, and compassion than you might even have expected. Like all good relationships, it will be work and it will have to be maintained. It will be the "how can I make your day better?" and the days where it will be 40/60, and one of you will have to love a little harder so the other can lean against you. It may take some time to find "That Someone", so don't get discouraged or give up your hope. They key is always to keep living and always practice daily self-improvement for YOU. And when it's time, that person will show up and they will not change everything, but rather they will enhance and brighten everything.
Go take on the world together, because this type of love will truly only happen once.