What the "Long-term Relationship Girl" Learned from giving up Dating for a month.
By: Kayla Diebold
it takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something.
I have forever been that girl. That girl that spent most of her time in long-term relationships. That girl that always had a partner, even when the man was less-than worthy. That girl that couldn’t seem to realize that all I needed was myself. I did not wake up one day and just decided “oh hey I’m going to give up dating for a year” no, that is not how it happened. I did know that I wanted to give myself time to truly heal the scars from my past. However, the time frame was just something that happened. When you are not that concerned or seeking someone to share your life with, it’s surprising how clear your vision truly is. Let’s be honest, dating in society today is much like a miniature train wreck. Girl meets boy, boy meets girl, things appear to be going great, and suddenly out of nowhere it all just stops. That was something I no longer wanted to go through and in the process of not “dating” I gained the knowledge of better things…
Time heals all wounds, but time alone heals them better. We all know the saying, the one we dread to hear after a breakup, that time will heal your wounds. We are told this over and over again. We hear the words ringing in our ears, but the pain in our hearts make it seem as if it is almost unbelievable and at first it is. I learned that you have to be accepting of the time that passes and you have to fight with the time, not against it. You have to want to heal, to grow, and to conquer.
You learn the true value of friendships. I have also been that girl. That girl that has put her friendships on the back burner once or twice. It becomes so easy to be so wrapped up in this thing we call love we forget about the friends that loved us long before our partner did. Sure, it is great to have someone to hold you at night. Someone to share the good and the bad with. Someone to stand by your side. But, when you neglect the people that were there for you prior to your relationship, who will be standing by your side to wipe your tears and to remind you just who the hell you are?
Solitude can be a little piece of heaven. For as long as I can remember, I never liked being alone. I felt as if I always had to have someone by my side and that maybe it was the company I kept that made me happy. I learned that I could not have been more wrong. I like that now when I walk into the door from work I can relax for 45 minutes with no one talking. I like that I can choose to stuff my face with birthday cookie Oreos, popcorn and all the junk food that I want while watching my lifetime movies and watching “The Bolde Type” with no judgement at all. Did you know that when you are single that the dirty clothes actually end up in the dirty clothes basket and not beside it? My toilet seat is never left up and there is no one to talk back!
You learn what you truly want out of a partner. You always think you know. We at least want to think that we have good taste when it comes to giving our heart to another person, but often we settle. We settle mostly because we allow our heart to make the decision, ignoring the big red flashing sign that screams NO NO NO. It is true that you have to accept the bad with the good, but under no circumstances should we sacrifice our beliefs or expectations when choosing a partner. Get over the fact that he may not have the biggest package in the world but turn and walk the other way if he thinks it’s okay to entertain multiple women or is too emotionally unavailable.
Self-discovery. Self-discovery. And more Self-discovery. Day by day, week by week, and month by month I learned more about myself. I realized what I wanted out of life for myself. I chased my dreams. I faced quite a few of my fears and I conquered every battle on my own. I took the time to truly focus on myself for once without any interference. I now know that when the right man comes along, that I will be ready for him. Ready to add to his life and ready to accept what he has to add to mine. I am certain of this because now I myself am completely whole all by my damn self!