Read This Before Dating a Girl Who's Overcome Abuse
By: Brittney Lindstrom
If you love someone who has a history of emotional or physical abuse, empathy is crucial to understanding the after effects they're struggling with.
No one deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form. Regardless of how long someone stays in the relationship, any abuse that occurs is never their fault. Reiterate that to your partner over and over again.
You're going to have to be louder than the demons they're fighting daily. The first step is to know what it's like inside the mind of a person who has experienced abuse in any form.
1. She beats herself up mentally and emotionally
She'll ask questions like "How did I allow this to happen" or "is this all I'll ever be worth" in attempts to find a reason or answer for why the abuse happened. More often than not, an answer is never really found.
Some victims may go through all of the situations when the abuse occurred and find reasons to blame themselves, such as saying "fuck you." This is a totally normal way of coping, even if it doesn't make sense to you or anyone else.
Victims go through their own unique process of dealing with abuse. Usually, this search is in the very beginning, after separation. Just remain patient and allow them to go through the motions.
2. She doesn't trust easily
Honestly, can you blame her? Is she wrong for having doubts or thinking someone has a hidden agenda? Absolutely not.
You have two choices, my friend: either walk away and spare her the wasted time and energy or fight for her and never stop.
3. She's terrified of being hurt again
She didn't think anyone would ever hurt her the way he did. He treated her like a queen in the beginning, but that quickly turned into threats, false accusations, and violence.
4. She hides her scars
Because she's ashamed. She feels damaged and worries no one will ever like her for who she is, especially with all of the trauma and "baggage" she brings.
5. She's easily startled
Slamming doors or coming up behind her without warning will really freak her out. This will lessen with time, but it may not go away forever.
6. She has a big heart
She knows what it's like to have her heart destroyed. She may come off as tough but she has a heart of gold. She'll have your back no matter what because she knows what it's like to be with someone heartless.
7. She loves differently
I don't think she'll be able to love the way she once did, and that's totally okay.
She's known pain emotionally and physically and never wants to put someone through what she experienced. She'll go out of her way for you because she knows what it's like to be left behind.
8. Loving her can be difficult, but it's so worth it
She's not difficult because she wants to hurt you or play games, she just keeps her heart guarded because she knows what it's like to be kicked down.
She will love you more than any other woman. You've both been through your share of hurt and pain. She may be difficult, but there's no one else like her.
If you lose her, you'll regret it. It'll be the worst decision you ever make.