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It's Just Too Little Too Late

It's Just Too Little Too Late

By: Casandra Martinson

Apparently, goodbyes don’t always mean goodbye. They don’t always mean “I am leaving, I won’t be coming back.” Sometimes, they mean “I need to go for a little while. I’ll be back soon.”

Your goodbye went more like the second one even though I had been led to believe it was like the first. 

Your name appeared on my screen after many long, painful months and my stomach sank. It felt as if it had been filled with bricks. It was so heavy I didn’t know what to do. 

I felt so sick, but I guess that’s what happens when the person you thought would be around forever leaves and then suddenly comes back without any warning.

You apologized. You were sorry, or so you said. You begged for my heart once again and I was completely torn in two. 

My heart was yearning for you as it had been for many, many months, but it was also shouting at me to protect it. It was finally recovering and it didn't need any more trauma for a while.

The time away from you wasn’t all heartache and pain. They were also healing and recovery. 

I had learned how to let go of some things I never thought that I could. I was starting to feel human once again, but every single effort that had been made quickly went down the drain as soon as you said hello. 

This was what I needed months ago. I needed you, but you weren’t there. You were nowhere to be found and right as I was starting to do okay, you came around to break me to pieces all over again. 

Timing... it’s an interesting thing, isn’t it?

But here’s the real interesting thing: you left me. You let me go. You didn’t want me anymore.

It wasn’t the other way around, I’m not twisting the truth. The truth is that you broke things off with me. 

You were unhappy, or you weren’t feeling as if your needs were being fulfilled, or maybe the relief that I provided for you wasn’t sufficient anymore. 

Regardless of the complete and total truth that I will never know for sure, you let me go. You gave up on my heart. 

You tore our hearts and soul apars and left me to bleed as you walked away not turning around to taking even the slightest glance, or gaze back. 

To think that you are here now expecting me to just forgive you makes me laugh a little. 

Are you lonely? Are you weak? Has the person who took my spot left? What made you come back to the girl that you hurt far worse than you’ve ever hurt anyone else?

I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. 

I cannot give my heart back to you. 

I finally gathered enough strength to pick up the pieces. I refuse to let you take any of them back. 

You let me go, remember? Now, you have to live with the consequences of losing me and believe me, I know it’s hard. 

But just like me, one day, I pray that you get better and that the pain is something you can manage. 

As much as I want to hate you for breaking my heart, I can’t because I love you, but love isn’t always easy and it certainly doesn’t always work. 

Our love was not meant to be, for you let it go a long time ago and that is how it shall remain, gone.