I know that a lot of time has passed since we last spoke. Honestly, even though I wanted to keep reaching out, I think it’s better that I didn’t.
Because I think that our time, whatever we could or should have been, I think that in most ways, that time is over now. No matter how we both feel now, I think that the world is pushing us apart.
I tried to fight it for a long time. Because I believed in us. And I believed in you. So much that it broke my heart to think of a life without you.
But sometimes, the things that are the hardest to do, are the ones that are worth the most. I think that you fall into that category of things.
I used to want you more than anything. I used to sit up late at night and wait. Wait for you to call. Wait for you to tell me that you were still there, that you were never going anywhere.
But that never happened. That call never came. And the further away that I got from you, the more I finally understood that maybe I was going to be okay without you, after all.
And after all this time, I just wanted you to know that I still wish you the best, for whatever it’s worth. I don’t blame you anymore. In fact, I want you to know something.
That even though I wish you all the good things, the happiness that the world has to offer, I hope that you remember one thing.
That when we bump into one another in the future, that the minute that you see me, you think long and hard about what was best for you.
Because it was me. It was always me.
Even if you hate to admit it.
Even if you don’t want anyone to know.
Even if you can’t even look yourself in the eyes and say, she was the one. It might take you a little longer to get it together than it took me.
Because after you broke me, I fell apart. But then I did what I do best and I picked myself up, and moved on. Not because you left me, but because there was nothing else I could have done to make you understand. There was no you coming back to me. That much was true.
But now that I have gotten myself back together, sometimes I think about everything you took. Everything that you did in all those long years that we spent chasing after one another.
I never wanted to stop running with you but you made that choice without me. I learned to accept that after some time.
But I still hope that when you think about me, you think about what you lost. You think about how much I gave up for you and you’re ashamed of yourself.
I know that deep down, you’ll always regret what you did and say, the way that you left.
I just want you to know that I’ve done more than moved on this time.
This time, I’ve forgotten all about you.
Not just to protect my heart, and not like before. But because I know that I’m still the best thing that’s ever happened to you. No matter what happens next. And this has always been enough for me.
So I really do want all the good things for you. I hope you met someone who makes you want to stay. But just know that you look for me in everyone you love. Because when you walked away, it may have broke me but it also made me stronger. Made me better.
So I would wish you the best, but you already lost that.