The "What Ifs"

What is anxiety? "What Ifs"

When you're planning something months away and already thinking about all the bad things that can happen. Your mind doesn't hold back. 4 months away and it's already throwing "What Ifs" at you. It tells you don't go. This is a terrible plan. No one will like this idea. You'll end up alone. Something bad is going to happen and you'll spend all your money for nothing.

It ruins relationships. With friends, family, significant others. It pushes you to be alone because if you're alone then you can't do anything to upset other people. Nothing bad can happen if you just stay home. Let those other people go on their vacations, if you go something will ruin it, that's a fact. What If you have an anxiety attack in front of your friends? They'll think you're crazy and you'll lose them anyway right? So why have friends… What If your significant other can't handle how you react to situations? What If you can't let them leave for the weekend because the "What Ifs" are telling you they will meet someone new, or run into an old flame, they will find there's better out there, maybe they decide you're too much to handle and they'd rather have someone who doesn't "over react" all the time? What if you lose them? Well you can't lose someone if you don't have them in the first place, so just be alone.

 The "What Ifs" are the thoughts in your mind that tell you there's no point because it's not going to work. “Oh just ignore them” some people will tell you. Ok… So we test the theory to humor those who don’t understand and we ignore the "What Ifs". They fight back, harder than you can sometimes, and you end up locked in a bathroom at work because you can't let anyone see you in the state you're in because you look insane worrying about something that's not even a set plan 4 months from now. Even though you most likely look normal but on the inside you feel like the world is crashing down and it's all because the "What Ifs" have gotten a hold of you again. 

Take these pills, go to therapy, but don't you dare tell anyone because no one wants to know the struggle going on inside you and they definitely won’t understand. No one really cares; they just don't want to seem like a jerk… Here’s where it gets good, sometimes… they care.

What If your weekend 4 months from now goes as planned and everyone loves it and you have a great time that you can remember for the rest of your life? What If your significant other goes on that weekend trip and nothing happens? What If they come home loving YOU just as much, if not more, than they did when they left? What If they meet people who make them realize you are the perfect one for them? What If you break down in front of your friends, family, or significant other and they embrace you? What If they care and want to help you? What If they, too, are dealing with this constant struggle to just live? What If they stay? What If showing them your struggle actually improves your sense of stability? What If it creates the strongest relationships you can have? 

What If you just try.

I have a handful of friends but very few who have seen my struggle and stayed. Those are my people. Find your people. Let them see your struggle. You never know who is dealing with the same demons as you. And you never know who can turn the “What Ifs” into “No Worries”.